- If I ever have twins, I'd use one for parts.
- I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.
- I went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
- I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive.
- I was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked, "Do you have any firearms with you?" I said: "What do you need?"
Steven Wright
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